The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
