She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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