found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
