Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
