Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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