Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Shame is for Republicans.
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