Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
