But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
