got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
