so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
