ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
