super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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