woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
