fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
