Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
