I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
