I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
