I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
