Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
