dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
