Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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