Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
