i don't like sucking hair
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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