Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
