I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
