Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
