I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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