all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
