She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
