He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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