I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
