This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
