I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
that is very illegal...i love you.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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