I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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