Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
