if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
