Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
