You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
