um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
