So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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