The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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