The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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