He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
