if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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