Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
