Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
