I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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