I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just want nice things and good sex
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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