you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You're a waste of cheezeits
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
