she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Still dying that you shit outside
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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