I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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