He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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