She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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