dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
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