i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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