why didn't you poke me back
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
