I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
