Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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