no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
