see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
