if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
