Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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