I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize