I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Randomize
