It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
