Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
