Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
sarcasm needs its own font
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
